You spoke up and you said to me,
"I want to fall in love with you, is that okay for me to do?"
And I answered,
"I'm sorry but love does not exist in my world. So no its not okay to fall in love with me cause I won't fall in love with you."
You spoke up and said to me,
"But why does love not exist for you? Why won't it be okay to fall in love with you? Why won't you love me too?"
And I answered,
"You ask so many 'why' questions but I shall answer. Because to me love just does not exist. I loved once but it was stripped from me. I cried. I hurt. I felt the most unbelieveable pain ever; I never thought a pain like that existed in such a world like ours. I never want to experience that ever again. It's not okay to love me because I won't love you back. You'll just be wasting your time on someone who is incapable of the so called 'love' you speak of. Because love just does not exist. I won't love you because I'm incapable of loving someone. Realize what I am trying to emphasize to you. I tried it once but it just wasn't right, it just never worked, and it just doesn't exist."
You hesitated, looked at me, and then you spoke up and said to me,
"Maybe love does not exist for you, but for me love exists. The only reason for this is because everytime I look at you the feeling just washes over me. That is when I realize that I am in love. Just like your experience of an 'unbelieveable pain,' I happened to experience an unbelieveable feeling like no such other. That was the feeling of falling in love. Yes I must say it, falling in love with you. You fell in love once and got hurt, but why not fall in love again and risk the pain because you never know if you'll be the one delivering that 'unbelieveable pain' for once nor will you know if love is just right, if it is working for you, and if it truly does exist. You know how you said you were stripped of love, well aren't you doing the same to me? Does that mean I'm bound to cry? Bound to hurt? Bound to feel the most unbelieveable pain ever; that you never thought a pain like that existed in such a world like ours? Of course I'm bound to such a fate but is not everyone else? Everyone once in their life experiences the pain. I believe loving who ever you want is okay regardless if they return the love or not. You are not incapable of love. You are one of the most loving people I have come to discover in life and I am glad to have discovered you. So grasp that thought, understand that thought, and believe that thought that I have just set before you. Wasting time loving? Never heard of such a thing. Love is love, not a waste of time. If you love someone they must have been worth something. Don't you agree? Will you please try loving once more?"
And I stared at you speechless for but a moment, I opened my mouth ready to answer but no words came out right there, and then I felt warm tears spill from my eyes that I thought were lifeless. I touched my face with the tips of my fingers and I looked upon them in wonder. It was the first time I've felt warmth in my tears, for the last time that tears fell from my eyes, they had the feeling of cold death. The world that I lived seemed to have resumed to move once again, but I did not understand how it could have gotten unfrozen. The unbelieveable pain that had so wrapped around my life like a snake, constricting it of life itself, had diminished but not completely.
-It's repetitive I know but read in between the lines. :] Maybe you'll get it the way I meant for you to get it. :]
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