The Torture of Seperation

She touched him as if he would break or cry out in pain.

His skin was so soft and smooth.

How could anything so innocent looking be a huge burden on her life.

She had nowhere to go and no one to turn to for help.

Her mind cried out to her saying, saying she must let him go.

But the thought of leaving him behind pained her.

She wondered at the pain she would feel, if and when she actually leaves him.

Would she be able to endure it?

The pain she was feeling now from the mere thought of it had her entire body screaming in agony.

It was torture.

Invisible Hand

A small part of her realized that she was giving up everything by taking his hand and trusting him. Did she care? To be honest she had no opinion about life anymore, she could careless about what was going to happen. Life to her was nothing.

She thought of herself as being only a living body with a dead soul. She woke up each day saying to herself "the life inside me has been ripped apart into pieces by an invisible hand. The same hand that's keeping me from waking up from this nightmare. Why can't I just fight it?"

The answer to that wasn't as simple as the question made it to be. That was until he came along and offered his services. The promises he laid out for her was everything she had always wanted. It was as if he had known her since the day she first opened her eyes to the world welcoming her life.

The invisible hand became real as his grasp tightened. She looked up and stared deep into his eyes and saw her reflection of her fear. It finally hit her that this was not what she wanted but it was too late. Her fate was sealed.

You Shall Speak Up & I Shall Answer

You spoke up and you said to me,

"I want to fall in love with you, is that okay for me to do?"

And I answered,

"I'm sorry but love does not exist in my world. So no its not okay to fall in love with me cause I won't fall in love with you."

You spoke up and said to me,

"But why does love not exist for you? Why won't it be okay to fall in love with you? Why won't you love me too?"

And I answered,

"You ask so many 'why' questions but I shall answer. Because to me love just does not exist. I loved once but it was stripped from me. I cried. I hurt. I felt the most unbelieveable pain ever; I never thought a pain like that existed in such a world like ours. I never want to experience that ever again. It's not okay to love me because I won't love you back. You'll just be wasting your time on someone who is incapable of the so called 'love' you speak of. Because love just does not exist. I won't love you because I'm incapable of loving someone. Realize what I am trying to emphasize to you. I tried it once but it just wasn't right, it just never worked, and it just doesn't exist."

You hesitated, looked at me, and then you spoke up and said to me,

"Maybe love does not exist for you, but for me love exists. The only reason for this is because everytime I look at you the feeling just washes over me. That is when I realize that I am in love. Just like your experience of an 'unbelieveable pain,' I happened to experience an unbelieveable feeling like no such other. That was the feeling of falling in love. Yes I must say it, falling in love with you. You fell in love once and got hurt, but why not fall in love again and risk the pain because you never know if you'll be the one delivering that 'unbelieveable pain' for once nor will you know if love is just right, if it is working for you, and if it truly does exist. You know how you said you were stripped of love, well aren't you doing the same to me? Does that mean I'm bound to cry? Bound to hurt? Bound to feel the most unbelieveable pain ever; that you never thought a pain like that existed in such a world like ours? Of course I'm bound to such a fate but is not everyone else? Everyone once in their life experiences the pain. I believe loving who ever you want is okay regardless if they return the love or not. You are not incapable of love. You are one of the most loving people I have come to discover in life and I am glad to have discovered you. So grasp that thought, understand that thought, and believe that thought that I have just set before you. Wasting time loving? Never heard of such a thing. Love is love, not a waste of time. If you love someone they must have been worth something. Don't you agree? Will you please try loving once more?"

And I stared at you speechless for but a moment, I opened my mouth ready to answer but no words came out right there, and then I felt warm tears spill from my eyes that I thought were lifeless. I touched my face with the tips of my fingers and I looked upon them in wonder. It was the first time I've felt warmth in my tears, for the last time that tears fell from my eyes, they had the feeling of cold death. The world that I lived seemed to have resumed to move once again, but I did not understand how it could have gotten unfrozen. The unbelieveable pain that had so wrapped around my life like a snake, constricting it of life itself, had diminished but not completely.

-It's repetitive I know but read in between the lines. :] Maybe you'll get it the way I meant for you to get it. :]

Your Eyes

What am I in your eyes?

I want the truth. I want your honesty.

Because I am truly becoming confused and lost.

I don't like being this way.

I want stability. I want clarity. I want you.

Why can't I have you? Why won't you just tell me?

Why can't you just give me a definite answer?

I don't understand you.

One day you want me. Another day you push me far away.

Why do you do this to me? Why do you play such games?

My emotions are losing themselves.

I can't handle what you're doing to me anymore.

But yet here I am.

Listening to your words. Holding onto them for dear life.

Believing your promises. Believing your lies. Believing you.

Why? I don't know.

Why do I do this to myself? I don't know.

Do you realize what you're doing to me?

Probably not. I seem to be invisible now.

I'm about to shatter into millions of pieces.

But will you care? I don't know.

Would it matter much to you? I don't know.

Would you even notice? I don't know.

Who will care?

Who would it matter much to?

Who would even notice?

I just don't know anymore.

Look what you've done.

Tell me what am I in your eyes?

The truth please.

Your honesty please.

I'm tired of the confusion.

Tired of being lost.

I hate being that way.

It's time for stability.

Time for clairty.

Do I want you anymore?

I don't know.

Because the way I've become was because of you.

I don't like the way I've becmoe.

So do I want you?

What are you in my eyes now?

What am I in your eyes?

I need answers.

Wake Up

Close your eyes

Prepare to dream

Something extraordinary

Something out of this world

Open your eyes

Prepare for reality

The vanishing of your own world

The replacement of a world made for everyone

You succeed in your own world

No hard work

No struggles

Time moves at your own will

Succession and failure are one in reality

The hard work

The struggles

As time passes you by

Close your eyes or open them

You're dreaming or you're facing reality

It's your choice

It's your life

Shattered

I closed my eyes for a mere second but they flew opened when I heard something shatter. A pain coursed through my body, no pain I've ever experienced. I decided to get up anyways and see what was going on. Each step I took hurt even more. What was wrong with me? I didn't know. I turned on lights after lights after lights hoping to discover soon what had shattered, so that I may go to bed and sleep off this excruciating pain. I checked everywhere but I saw nothing was broken. No glass. Just nothing.

I guess the sound was just all in my head. I must be tired that I'm dreaming the noise. I grew cold and started shivering yet beads of sweat was breaking out on my forehead. I wiped the sweat and looked at my palm with confusion. Was I getting sick? My mind started racing through everything I did today, every drink I had, every food I ate, everything! I got back to my room and sat on the side of my bed, inhaling and exhaling deeply.

I looked to my right and saw my phone gleaming under the lamp light. The gleam of it made it look as if my phone were winking at me, taunting me to reach out and grab it. Yeah, I am most definitely sick. I reached out and grabbed my phone ready to call my mother and ask her what to do. I pressed a random button and the screen lit up to a message. I stared at it for a few minutes and that's when everything hit me.

Everything came flooding back and it was drowning me. I couldn't breathe, I shivered as I continued to stare at the phone. Then I heard it again, something shattering. I clutched at my chest and that's when I knew what the shattering was. It was my heart being broken into a billion pieces once more.

-Enjoy :]